At this point, you fit onto one of the following processes: doing past exams, relaxing, or being anxiously narcissistic. With the GCSE exams and A-Level exams waiting under your bed, there is a massive struggle within students all around the globe, pondering the same question. What the fuck do I do now?
Well, you find out what category you fit into, then go to YouTube and convince yourself you'll be fine... by sleep-watching a crash course of your subject for the next hour. Easy.
Let's start with the most obvious one, the past-exam junkie.
Its puppy love, with the small difference you want to murder the puppy and scream at their carcass why the hell the mark scheme is so dense. Perhaps doing enough past exam papers will provide you with the chilling, relaxing sensation that you'll be okay. That's a lie. You know that's total bull because the exam questions are always different, and your brain isn't developed enough to always understand it, so what now? Do more exam papers. You'd get the same satisfaction by cleaning your room and getting the sense your life is composing itself, but you can't exactly smirk at your colleagues and brag to them that way. You snobby fuck.
Let's move on to the overly relaxed, condescending student. Now, you know who you are, and at this point you're probably smiling down at this blog, thinking you could do so much better, which you probably could. (It's not like I'm the most enthusiastic person in the world, I'm just as dead inside as the rest of you). But it's like something is wrong with your temporal lobe, and you lack any emotion of anxiousness and fear. Half the population is envious, while the other half (the smarter half, may I add), knows you're full of shit and you're dying inside every time you bother to do a question. You may be a good actor, but you fit into this category because you start to believe yourself. Playing PS4, PC (master race) or X-BOX instead of revising doesn't make you a genius, just a pretentious twat.
Pick up a book.
Suffer like the rest of us.
Last but not least, are the anxious narcissists.
I can't lie, I fit into this category better than the WII theme fits with old people thinking. (If you're normal, you don't get this reference, so let me help you).
This group consists of people dying throughout the lesson, then playing it awfully cool. Yes, I didn't just skip the first five questions because I'm THAT smart, I couldn't do them and now I have to act like I understand the question. I will address this group the worst because let's face it, you're utter trash- WE are utter trash. if you're too arrogant to ask for help, and such an asshole you demoralise everyone around you by pretending you're better, you deserve to be failing. Plus, you're not even trying as hard as the first group, or as gifted as the second group to act on your bull.
Obviously, there is one more group here that I could talk about but I won't. That's the smart group. The ones that don't need to study, don't get anxious and can relax without giving a beautiful, flying fuck. Do you know why? Because they're smart, influential and gifted. I said that I wasn't going to talk about them, yet here I am, that's how brilliant they are. Guess who's in that group? Not us. Yay.
At least we have memes.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article on the good, the bad and the autistic. Don't tell bad if you fit into most of these, feel terrible.
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